A large office, with a wall of windows, pedestrians walking the city streets outside. It felt very professional. My interior cubicle suddenly felt distant, as the words came out of his mouth: "You are getting a promotion! Congratulations on being our new Vice President." I was in my mid-20s with my stiff Ann Taylor suit on. I accepted the new position and then immediately felt overwhelmed. Proud yet shaken, accomplished yet timid, I walked out of there confused.
What just happened? I was very happy to leave my old event planning job behind. It had, after all, been feeling like wearing the wrong outfit for over a year now. The travel, the long hours, the talk of things like decorations and themed events were conversations I'd had trouble having ever since my mom died recently. At home, I was reading spiritual self-help like it was going to save my life. I never put the books down while blow-drying my hair, even at a stoplight in my car. I was desperately searching for meaning and understanding about where my mom was now that she died at 57.
Maybe it was meant to be… This promotion, just in time to get out of picking tablecloths and swag bag items, that would inevitably end up in the garbage. Maybe now, I could work on something more meaningful. Like developing people and streamlining work for my former peers. Heck, maybe I could even talk leadership into paying our employees better.
As I settled into the new window office, another executive came in with a piece of paper. "A crash course in the form of your first assignment," he said, chuckling and smirking as if he knew what came next would be terrifying to me. “Tomorrow we need to fire a department manager,” he said. What came next out of his mouth was a flurry of to-dos that apparently I was in charge of. Still not sure why, because he seemed to know the process all too well. He reviewed the paper checklist of: remove password access, schedule the meeting, say the words "today will be your last day.” Then came my responsibility of giving our former employee a box for his personal belongings and escorting him out the door.
Still overwhelmed and a little short of breath, I thanked him, smiled, and said, "See you tomorrow." The next day is a whirlwind of a memory, besides the standing behind him with his box part. It felt cold and harsh, the worst part being everyone watching me follow behind him with his things.
When it was all said and done, my boss shut his office door and asked me, "May I give you some feedback?" To which, of course, I replied, "Yes.” Because I'm not sure what else to say. However, every cell in my body was bracing for impact. “I wouldn't change a thing.” He said. “You couldn't have done that any better.”
As I got up to walk out, the pride beaming off me that I did everything right, I paused. Was I proud of myself? Was this the ticket out of the job that felt meaningless, or did I just trade one title for another? That was my first intuitive nudge that corporate might not be for me.
